I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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