at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
