question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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