If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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