just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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