I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
