Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Go christen that room with your naked body.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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