i think my tv is drunk
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pants are for mortals
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
