so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
