5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
