i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
soo... how was my night?
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