apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
