How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize