the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
