forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
3 2 1 whiskey
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
