Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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