My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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