Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
