I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
