just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize