So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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