The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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