I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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