are you so shy because you have an std?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
