can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
