from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
