whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
