dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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