Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
