You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize