I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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