I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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