Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
