i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
