is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
