I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
