Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
