My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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