I think I died a long time ago.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
