i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
