Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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