I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
