Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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