The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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