i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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