I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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