Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
