I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
