Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
