Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize