How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
