He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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