when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
