Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize