what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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