Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
