Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
