and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
