the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Send help, water and tortillas.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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