this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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