You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
