will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
