That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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