We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my being single is dangerous.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
