yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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