Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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