I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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