Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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