I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
