shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I pour the whiskey from now on
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
