you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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